My darling friends,
By now, most of you know that my husband and I are divorcing. For some of you, this news is a huge disappointment. My heart hurts for you. I assure you, in many respects there is no one more disappointed than me.
Divorce is vicious, and ugly, and painful, and super sad. Like… SUPER sad. Honestly, I have worn my sweet friends and family ragged with tears over the past 6 months. My friends are rock stars at letting me go crazy and loving me through each outburst. (Seriously, if you don’t have friends like that, do whatever you can to find some… better still, BE THAT FRIEND). Also, my parents are super hero’s…so there is that.
But, that is not why I’m writing. I’m writing because of a question I’ve been asked several times. More like several hundred thousand times. A question that swirls around in my head and my heart like thick smoke making me dizzy with heartache. It’s a question I honestly don’t know how to answer.
“So… what are you going to do now?”
In short, I have no fricken clue!!!
The long answer is this; I am going to hope.
I’m going to hope and I am going to believe in the things unseen just like I always have.
I’m going to trip and fall and learn new things. Things that I might not otherwise know.
I am going to proceed with caution, guarding my heart, and watching where I walk. (There is all kinds of sh** out there ya’ll… it’s good to watch your step.)
I’m going to watch my head for signs of bitterness and pray my heart stays supple.
I’m going to ask for a miracle that allows me to grow strong without growing hard.
To exude confidence without arrogance.
To be satisfied but never complacent.
To give and receive grace often and without expectation.
This world is messy, and complicated, and frustrating as hell. So, while I am going to allow myself time to be angry about how unfair life is, I am going to put a timer on that crap. (Like, a literal timer. 15 minutes max). Seriously, those kinds of thoughts will poison your heart faster than a McDonalds diet.
Instead of allowing negativity to consume me: I’m going to love people. Better than I ever have.
I’m going to love my two babies. Maybe I’ll squeeze them a little tighter or rock them a little longer.
I’m going to teach them about faith, and family, and failure, and hope.
I’m going to pray. I’m going to rest. And I am going to give thanks for every new day.
And I might blog about it every now and then. ;0)
This life is a bit of a mixed bag, but there is so much sweet, so much joy, so much silliness, and so much hope.
To my sweet friends. Thank you for your letters, phone calls, texts, gifts. They kindled a flame that gave hope of a future fire. You are world changers and I love you. Xoxo, S