So… what now?

My darling friends,

By now, most of you know that my husband and I are divorcing. For some of you, this news is a huge disappointment. My heart hurts for you. I assure you, in many respects there is no one more disappointed than me.

Divorce is vicious, and ugly, and painful, and super sad. Like… SUPER sad. Honestly, I have worn my sweet friends and family ragged with tears over the past 6 months. My friends are rock stars at letting me go crazy and loving me through each outburst. (Seriously, if you don’t have friends like that, do whatever you can to find some… better still, BE THAT FRIEND). Also, my parents are super hero’s…so there is that.

But, that is not why I’m writing. I’m writing because of a question I’ve been asked several times. More like several hundred thousand times. A question that swirls around in my head and my heart like thick smoke making me dizzy with heartache. It’s a question I honestly don’t know how to answer.

“So… what are you going to do now?”

In short, I have no fricken clue!!!

The long answer is this; I am going to hope.

I’m going to hope and I am going to believe in the things unseen just like I always have.

I’m going to trip and fall and learn new things. Things that I might not otherwise know.

I am going to proceed with caution, guarding my heart, and watching where I walk. (There is all kinds of sh** out there ya’ll… it’s good to watch your step.)

I’m going to watch my head for signs of bitterness and pray my heart stays supple.

I’m going to ask for a miracle that allows me to grow strong without growing hard.

To exude confidence without arrogance.

To be satisfied but never complacent.

To give and receive grace often and without expectation.

Hope.

This world is messy, and complicated, and frustrating as hell. So, while I am going to allow myself time to be angry about how unfair life is, I am going to put a timer on that crap. (Like, a literal timer. 15 minutes max). Seriously, those kinds of thoughts will poison your heart faster than a McDonalds diet.

Instead of allowing negativity to consume me: I’m going to love people. Better than I ever have.

I’m going to love my two babies. Maybe I’ll squeeze them a little tighter or rock them a little longer.

I’m going to teach them about faith, and family, and failure, and hope.

I’m going to pray. I’m going to rest. And I am going to give thanks for every new day.

And I might blog about it every now and then. ;0)

This life is a bit of a mixed bag, but there is so much sweet, so much joy, so much silliness, and so much hope.

To my sweet friends. Thank you for your letters, phone calls, texts, gifts. They kindled a flame that gave hope of a future fire. You are world changers and I love you. Xoxo, S

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34 thoughts on “So… what now?

  1. I loved this blog post and thank the Lord you have friends who are total ROCK STARS!! Life happens and many times, we don’t understand why or how it happened. The best thing we can do is to lift ourselves up and focus on the positive. Don’t let the darkness weigh you down! You are a beautiful woman and you are mega strong too! 🙂

    Sending Light and Hugs your way!

  2. Dear Shaena,

    I have and will be praying for you. Thank you for this blog. Some of us in Albuquerque have cried along side you and prayed together for you without you probably knowing! We will continue to pray, love and hope with you.
    Love you, Liz

  3. Thank you for your heartfelt words and your example of hope in Him even in the darkest hour. He will carry you through and although I don’t know you well, it has touched me deeply and left me mentally spinning a few times; like being on the outskirts of a tornado. I can only imagine what the ‘epicenter’ must be like. So I pray and will continue to pray. “Lord, hold Shaena and her precious family in your hands. Keep them safe through this storm. Thank you for your faithfulness, Lord. In Jesus Christ holy and righteous name, Amen”

  4. Dear Sheana, You are so beautiful and I am sure God has great plans for your life. I have seen people go through divorce and my sister’s husband once said it is worse than losing a loved one to death. Certainly you have a lot of friends but your best and one who will not let you down is Jesus. My heart aches for your children. Nicky is the same age as my great grandson and I know you will be the best mother and you do have two beautiful children. I will remember you and those two children who had no blame in the matter in my prayers.
    Love you Ruth

  5. Oh, Shaena, I am so sorry that you have to go through this pain. I’ve had two husbands that decided they no longer wanted to be married. It’s not a good feeling. But the Lord has blessed me with my wonderful Allen and I have never been happier and more content. It was a tough thing to go through. Best thing I did was spend a year seeing a Messianic counselor. At the end of that year I was out on the ski slopes and all of a sudden I realized that the Lord had gotten me through that year. I stood on that mountain and just gave him my thanks. You too will come through this in His time and life will be good. You are an amazing person and I pray nothing but the best for you.

  6. You are going to be equipped to help someone else who is walking thru the same heart ache as you some day. Stay strong and focused in the Lord.

  7. . —- God ℬℓℯss you, Shaena. I love what Laura Sanders already said. I echo her beautiful heart and words. We all love you and your precious family. We are continuing to pray to HIM who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us, to HIM be glory In Jesus Christ holy and righteous name, Amen ♡ Keep your eyes beautifully focused on the Lord.♡

  8. You have always been a huge inspirer, encourager and most positive person I know. Much love to you and the kiddos. God will continue to grow you more beautiful and hold you in his arms of grace, making you complete lacking nothing. We are here for you

  9. Shaena,
    I noticed that all the replies are from women and God bless each and every one of you. I too had my heart trampled on by my ex-wife, she too cheated on on vows and I was devastated. In looking back I see that you are much more well equipped to handle this as you have walked with the Lord steadily for years. I was not walking with God when this happened to me but I see how God has brought me out of the pit I was in into his glorious light. After my ordeal i vowed to love God with all my heart and to do all I could for those who were experiencing what I had been through. I started attending Calvary ABQ and met my beautiful wife as we were both serving. Since then God has seen to bring me back home to beautiful Las Cruces where my family has always been. He has even seen to have me become a Pastor at small congregation where I have been able to flourish in God’s plan. Sister I will be praying for you and your little ones as they are precious. Just never forget that you are precious to God Almighty and there is NO ONE who loves you more.

    Pastor Rick P Trujillo
    Community Pastor- Sierra Vista Community Church

  10. Shaena, I’ve prayed and will continue to pray for you and your babies.
    This post was beautiful as you are. I love how God is giving you so much wisdom.

    Hope has been my specific prayer and I know He will provide.

    You are so loved and valued.

    All His BEST to you and your family,

    Sherri

  11. Shaena,
    Words cannot express my heart break for you. I too have faced something devastating in my marriage this past year. All I can say is that Hope in Christ is truly the only way that we survive. It’s ok to have your outbursts, you aren’t fooling God by keeping them to yourself. When we are completely honest with Him, that is when we open ourselves up to be able empty out the muck of heartbreak, bitterness, anger, and sadness we’ve built up inside allowing room for a new fire to be kindled! That fire ignites hope and a passion to fight like hell for our babies and our future! Forgiveness is hard. There are days when forgiveness comes a little more freely, and days where you can’t honestly say that you feel like forgiving but Praise our sweet Lord that all we have to do is rest in Him and the rest will come. I will continue to pray for you and trust that the Lord will continue to fill you up and restore your heart. The Lord has a plan for your future, to hope and prosper! Rest in His unfailing arms my friend, it’s the best place to be!
    Love and prayers,
    Jodi

  12. Dear Shaena,
    I miss seeing you while picking up/dropping off the girls at ballet.
    I’m praying for you.
    May God bless and comfort you during this time.
    Sincerely, Jen

  13. So very, very sorry Shaena that you are walking thru this -, praying for Gods LOVE, peace and presence to wrap around you and your precious children. I appreciate your honesty and putting your feelings out there – I know it must be hard. You are on my prayer list.

  14. Thanks a loot for sharing this with all folks you really recognize what you’re speaking approximately!
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  15. You are an amazing writer, You are an amazing woman. it is so tragic when a marriage ends but you are allowing God to be glorified through you and with your strong faith you will move forward triumphantly.
    I send my love to you dear friend.

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  17. I don’t think my comment posted. Let me try this again. I’ve been at Calvary for 5 years and I remember you, tiny and pregnant with your daughter and Nick on guitar leading worship for Women’s Bible study. When I heard about all you’re going through I was in disbelief and hurt for you and your family. When my husband have his life to God before we got married I imagined this awesome, godly, heavenly marriage that we would have… Now I sit here in awe over the fact that I have found out last month that my husband is having an affair. And is still “secretly” in a relationship with her now as we speak. I’m so lost and hurt. I know that my identity isn’t in being a wife. It’s in Christ… At least it should be. As a woman who knows my pain please pray for me. If you have advice please email me or send me a fb message. I’ll head over to your FB now. Thanks. 😊

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