Confessions of a Superhero

Confessions of a Super Hero

Other possible titles:

If I tell you what I really think, will you call me a bitter divorcé ?

Words you write when you are out of Xanax.

There is not enough Botox in the world to hide the fact that I feel tired and old.

Misguided Musings of a 30 something single mom.

 

In just two years I’ve become a real life super hero, this is my story:

We don’t have to talk, we are not friends”.

That was all I could manage to say. That was the last thing that I said. I didn’t look at him again. I didn’t look at her either. I just rolled up my window and drove away. I don’t know where they went. Maybe to celebrate his new found freedom, or to revel in the fact that they had won some great prize in an out of court settlement that included very little time with the kids and even less financial support. I don’t know where they went, and does it really matter? He had made his choice and I would make mine. And so I closed the door on ten years of my life.

Ten years of hopes and dreams.

Ten years of joy and laughter.

Ten years of fighting and strife.

Of contention and hurt and more heartache then our marriage was capable of withstanding.

I closed the door behind me and stared out into a world full of terrifying possibilities, armed with only the tiniest glimmer of hope that somehow, in the end, all the wrongs would be made right.

“In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”

John 16:33

 

It’s important to note that by this time I had been a single mom for over a year. Gone were the nights of holding my children as they cried themselves to bed and then slipping into my own bed to do the same. Gone was the fear and worry that my former “stay at home mom” status would prevent me from ever getting a good job, or a good job that I liked. Gone was the fear that I would never be wanted, and that what I could offer would never be enough. And the loneliness that once threatened to rob me of all future joy; was more of a dull ache only noticeable when I focused on it, and I never did.

 

At this point in my life I tried to date. I use that word “try”, about as loosely as you can use any word, because in hindsight, I did not “try” at all. I got out of these “relationships” exactly what I put into them, basically nothing. To be fair, I’m not sure I was ever good at dating… I mean, I was married at 21 so that leaves only my high school boyfriends to chime in… but please don’t because that would be insanely uncomfortable.

The point is this; it is extremely awkward for Christians to date after a divorce. Call me a hopeless romantic, but still hard to forget how, “the one” turned out. And while I totally agree there are a lot of someone betters out there for me, I am plagued with the reality that there is also someone worse, and that guy makes being single seem pretty stinking wonderful. And so, I am content to wait. On time, healing, confidence, hundreds of cats to take over my home and drive me out into the street where I am forced to make new friends, God, anything… I am just waiting. And trusting that when it is right, I’ll know.

Things that steal my joy:

Not having enough time with my kids.

Watching them miss their dad.

Knowing that my chances of marrying Bradley Cooper are basically non-existent.

Seeing them disappointed.

Knowing that even at my best, I will never be both a mother and a father.

Seeing them disappointed again.

Being so tired my body aches.

Seeing them disappointed again and again and again.

Commuting 2 hours a day and then coming home and feeling like a zombie.

The road map of wrinkles that line my forehead.

Things that bring me joy:

Being able to provide for my kids.

Daydreaming about sharing a front porch and a double rocking chair with Bradley Cooper.

A community of friends and family who held my arms up when I was too weak to walk.

Disco dance parties in my daughter’s room.

The way my son looks at me with such gratitude and pride when I come home from work.

All of the things that make up Elly’s world.

All of the things that make up Nicky’s world.

Knowing that I am building a legacy in them, and they will always be my proudest accomplishment.

Interesting work.

Cute clothes.

Knowing that I am not alone, and that I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

Feeling loved every day.

Having a front row seat in the lives of two really cool little humans.

Remembering that this is only one chapter and that the rest has already been written and is just waiting to be read.

 

In truth, some days are awesome and other days suck. I can appreciate that I am not a conventional superhero. An argument can be made that there is nothing super or heroic about me… get behind me Satan.

Although it may be fair to say there is nothing spectacular or even particularly interesting about my life right now. I’m trying to do the best with the cards in my hand, like all of the other amazing parents I know. Still, there are seasons of motherhood that seem more trying than others. This has been mine. And so, you will forgive my bold self-proclaimed superhero status, and just remember sometimes I need to be reminded that I am more than a conqueror.

“No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.”

Romans 8:37

Love,

Shaena

PS,

This blog is for moms like me. Your lives are not perfect, but you wake up every day and you do the best with what you have been given. You are beautiful and your story matters.

 

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The worst advice I’ve ever given…

Image

HOW TO MAKE LEMONS OUT OF LEMONADE:

Ingredients:

Lemonade.

People give plenty of advice on what to do when life hands you lemons (you know, the crap-scented parts of life that no one ever talks about and bloggers love to blog about?). But there seems to be a lack of advice on what to do when life hands you lemonade… and YES THAT HAPPENS! Sometimes, life is good, people are happy, bank accounts are full-ish, bills are paid, love is in the air, people are makin’ babies… though not necessarily all at the same time. Sometimes, life hands us blessings that are sweet, refreshing, and satisfying like a tall glass of lemonade.

And that is really what we are trying to avoid here.

To be sure your lemonade turns into a good sour lemon follow these four easy steps:

1. Ignore it. This is really the quickest way to turn lemonade into a lemon. Simply ignore it. When life hands you lemonade, you let someone else drink that tall glass of happy. You, my friend, are committed to the process of being miserable!! Wipe that smile off your face, WE ARE MAKING LEMONS PEOPLE!!!

EXAMPLE: You are feeling really discouraged when out of the blue a friend calls and invites you to go out for coffee. YOU SAY, NO!! Now hang up the phone and continue feeling sorry for yourself because no one understands you.

2. Reject it. Never let anything that might threaten your unhappiness fill your glass. “Get that junk out yo face!!”

EXAMPLE: You just had a baby/ got a promotion/ moved to an exciting new city/ got married… these are all horribly sweet things that can easily be made into lemons with a little rejection.

3. Endure it. You don’t want to be rude and just walk away? Or maybe that lemonade just came to you and it was completely out of your control. Not to worry, you can still make a lemon out of it by refusing to enjoy it. Try telling yourself things like, “lemonade will make you fat” and “sugar rots your teeth”. That’s usually a great way to turn something sweet into something sour. Key here is really never living in the moment. Keep your thoughts always focused on something you lost or something you have not yet attained and you’ll be sure to endure but never enjoy any blessing that comes your way.

EXAMPLE: You have a great job and a beautiful family, but your neighbor has a better paying job and the freedom to move around. Focus on him.

4.Hog it. This is surefire yet subtle way to make a super sour lemon out of life’s lemonade. Drink it all! Do it fast or store it somewhere secret where only you can get to it, but whatever you do DON’T SHARE IT. I guarantee that once refreshing drink will be sour lemon in no time. If you hide your lemonade long enough it might even start to rot!! Yay! BONUS!!

Example: Tommy has two beach balls and Sally has none. Tommy laughs at Sally and walks away with two beach balls and no friends.

There it is, 4 easy ways to make lemons out of lemonade.

This recipe can easily be converted for people who’d like to make the most of life’s blessings by following the above steps in reverse order.

When life hands you lemonade:

Recognize it.

Receive it.

Enjoy it.

And Share it.

But what fun would that be?

What about you? Ever made a lemon out of lemonade? How do you avoid doing it?

Taste and See that the Lord is good! Psalm 34:8

Praying for you today, that your cup will overflow with sweet blessings.

 

I wish for no more wishes

I wish I could read all day.

I wish I could read and write all day, every day.

I wish I could read and write all day, every day, and not be interrupted.

If I could read and write all day, every day, without interruptions, I’d wish I had someone feeding me grapes… I love grapes… and foot rubs.

I wish I could read and write all day, every day, with no interruptions, eating grapes, while having my feet rubbed.

But then, think of all I’d miss:

  • Hugs from my daughter
  • All the funny little things my son does and says
  • Tender moments with my husband
  • Fun times with friends
  • Chance encounters with strangers
  • Opportunities to grow, learn, share, and give
  • And just about everything that makes life worth living

I’m so thankful that God gives us the desires of our heart and not every little wish that pops in our head.

Take delight in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart Psalm 37:4

When our desire is to know Him, we wish for less and appreciate more. If He were to take back everything He has blessed us with, He would still remain… and that would be enough.

What are some of the things you would miss if God granted every little wish?

Praying for a thankful heart this week.

Xoxo Shaena